Saturday, September 23, 2017

Humans.....

...are the worst thing that ever happened to this beautiful planet.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Rip Open My Innards


This week has been mightily interesting. 

I started having pains in my side one night. Not unusual - I have pain almost every day of my life. Ho hum. But then is starts to get progressively worse, to the point that Ibuprofen won't help. Again, I'm not super alarmed. It's not rare where I have pain that supersedes OTC meds. Onto the alcohol! But....the alcohol doesn't work either. This is it went beyond my normal realm of pain. That's how I know it's bad. Even when alcohol doesn't work....that's when you have a true problem. 

It not only kept persisting, but kept progressing. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, right up there with last year's Ovarian Cyst debacle. I tried to be a good trooper. I tried to convince myself it was simply debilitating gas (lol), that I'm being a big baby about it, I just have to relax and get some sleep and forget about it (LOLOLOL!). Once I got home, it went into overload. I hopped in the bath to ease the pain and I think it actually made it worse. It was back to that old feeling of  excruciating pain, feeling like some serial killer in an alternative universe is butchering up my innards while I'm still alive. No position would relive the pain even for 1 second, it was simply constant. 

Again, I tried to be a trooper - I didn't want to disturb Blitz. I tried to swallow the pain (lol), tried to convince myself it will naturally go away (LOLOL). But it wouldn't, and I was reaching my breaking point. I was already randomly bursting into tears, and honestly was on the verge of screaming my lungs out. Blitz had just gone to sleep but I poked him awake asking if he could drop me off at the hospital and my mom would meet us there later. Of course he said he would stay with me. 

When I get in there, I explain I'm having pains in my mid-side. I can already feel it from the guy at the front desk. People do think I'm being a big baby and probably think I just have gas! Either that or I'm some weirdo who likes being at hospital/wants to be drugged up/something! Later I feel it from the nurse too. She is very nice but acts very cavalier and somewhat uninterested. Which I wouldn't mind otherwise, but it sucks being in such harsh pain and no one taking you seriously. 

Anyways, when I get into the room, I'm told to pee in a cup, as per usual. However I think I might have gone pee before we left (stupid!) because I would not be able to give them a sample for another 2 and a half hours! Of course this only seemed to make the nurse more suspicious, which I can't blame her. I would think the exact same thing if I was her. Also didn't help that the *apparently* "strong" drugs she was giving me was barely working. That whole time I don't think my pain ever went under a 3, and that was the lowest when towards the end they gave me one of my final doses.

During that final stretch, as my pain was finally subsiding a bit, I noticed that the pain was actually concentrated on my mid side, it was my lower left abdomen - just like last year! The doctors don't know why I felt the pain so high up but personally I just think it was radiating up my body because it was so bad and the pain kind of blinded me in a way. 

So after after hours in the E.R., after my struggles with peeing, and drugs not working, and vomiting (sorry tmi)...they finally got me in for an ultrasound. I had been through the process last year so I knew what was coming. It has two parts, the external first, then the internal. In between parts, I went to the bathroom and overheard the technician and the nurse talking and they were freaking out. He was exclaiming that my ovaries were not even visible on the scan because of such a huge mass (the evil cyst) blocking it! I came out actually a bit more confident since I knew something was really wrong - I wasn't being a big over dramatic baby after all!

After waiting even longer back at the E.R. room for the results to come in, the doctor initially told me it looked like an ovarian torsion as a result of the cyst, but a few minutes later came back and said they came to the final conclusion that it was actually a fallopian tube torsion due to the cyst. Emergency surgery was needed as soon as possible and they were getting a surgeon on the phone right away. They explained to me that they didn't know how long blood was getting cut off from my tubes and I need to prepare for the fact that either they wouldn't be able to save my tube; or if they saved it, it simply would no longer be functioning. This would mean high chance of ectopic pregnancies, fertility problems, or general infertility. I don't want kids ever, so I didn't mind. I was more scared of the actual surgery, since I never had it done before!

Blitz had gone home earlier at my insistence to sleep so I called him up to tell him and he wanted to get off work and come as soon as possible. I was glad for it. It was pretty quick from getting the results to actually getting into surgery. Blitz wasn't able to make it in time to see my beforehand - he *just* missed me by a few seconds! I was very nervous and scared. When they wheeled me into the room, I had to put on hair netting and transfer myself from the gurney to the table. They strapped my legs down and put a mask over my mouth, telling me to breathe in deeply. I did about 3 breaths and I was out! The next thing I remember was waking up in post-op!

I woke up not knowing what happened - the people in post-op didn't have any information on me. I know I was sore but I had no more of that constant, debilitating pain! Wa-hoo! My throat was sore from the breathing tube or whatever too. I'd take those pains any day over what I was experiencing before. My parents left soon after and Blitz stayed with me the rest of the day. I was stuck in the hospital for a few more hours trying to get certain goals done so I could leave. Eventually I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I insisted we leave. 

The past week, I've been at home recuperating. I'm a lot less sore than I was, but it's still hard to walk, get up, or just expend a lot of energy in general. Impossible to bend over or twist. I think I was suppose to be a lot less active this past week then I was, so my progress is going slower. Oh well. Lesson learned, I'm trying to take it easier this week. In a few weeks, I will go to my check-up appointment. I'm hoping I will get further answers there like what exactly was my cyst (they weren't sure as they said it seemed "odd" and "interesting"), and if my fallopian tube is functional. 

It's funny, this whole year during all my abdominal pains (which looking back, was surely the evil cyst at work), I'd jokingly beg Blitz to "take a knife, slice me open, and rip out my innards!" Turns out, that's exactly what I needed all along! ;)

On the plus side, my stomach looks like a rainbow now! A rainbow of bruises.....

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Monday, September 4, 2017

Purepecha Traditions of Michoacan

I come from a colorful and creative peoples...
















All photography by Florence Jeune

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Society Is All Backwards


 Humanity has always embraced magic and the whimsical. Art began as magical rituals, prayers, a form of fun. Early humans did some funky stuff - worshiped ox heads, made being obese a full-time job, carved lion-mammoth monstrosities out of bones. I'm sure tons of them were serious, really thought there were funky gods and their offerings worked and blah blah blah. But come on. Given the context, I think most of them were rational people who were bored with their treacherous, grueling lives. They wanted more meaning to their lives other than just surviving and doing what every other human before them did. 

And now in 2017, everyone is backwards. Let's go to public school because that's just what is done. Let's go to college, get married, have a boring job, have nasty little children, live in an excruciatingly mundane beige house, let's all watch the same shows, and read the same boring books, and wear the same ugly plain clothes, and try to make our faces all the same. EVERYTHING THE SAME AND EVERYTHING SERIOUS. And anyone who does anything different sucks or is a failure. 

Sorry not sorry, modern world society, you are just WRONG.

Thoughts of the day. O.O